Category Archives: rant

May 27 3 comments
inspiration, iphone, photography, photos, rant, writing

Office Space

Let me just start by saying that it’s awesome when you have that moment where you can apply what you’ve learned in school to the real world. And I don’t mean your A, B, C’s and 1, 2, 3’s. I mean specialized skill sets. What you majored in. What you pulled all-nighters for. What you spent thousands and thousands of dollars on learning.

I’ve been struggling with trying to accept that which I do not understand, especially in regards to my professional work life. More specifically, where I’ve ended up at this time. The past few months have been spent scouring job sites, searching through mast heads and info pages, making cold calls, speaking to editors and art directors at super amazing companies and publications I’ve only dreamed about working for (FYI they’re human too), writing to try to sell myself, and saying lots of “please, please, please” prayers. And ironically, the one job that I did not apply to on my accord, or try to get, or thought I wanted, was the one I got. And if I can be honest about it, I was reluctant to accept at first because I had plans on going another direction. Plans to move back to the big city. Plans to work for major companies that are recognized world-wide and come with prestige. Plans to become some sort of big shot by association. (I was raised to aim high and dream big). And as you can tell by now, the point that I am trying to make is that plans are just that. Nothing solid.

I think we all wonder about our purpose in life, and that is the reason I felt compelled to write tonight. I am here to report that unlikely situations can be great situations. And that sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and not fight the paths that open up for you. And trust. Trust is such a huge…thing. And who knows…maybe these paths will lead you to what you wanted after all and that this job you currently have, town you currently live in, friends you’ve recently made, are just neccessary pit stops you need to make along the way. I read and tweeted the other day that “writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” Just replace “writing a novel” with whatever you are feeling challenged with and you can pretty much apply that advice to anything.

Through this recent experience, I’ve learned that a simple life is a good life. And oddly, the desire to go anywhere “big” or do something on a world-wide scale is no longer important. It doesn’t make you (me) more important. In fact, it could potentially turn you (me) into a pretentious jerk. And like any other artist, I’m sure I will tire of the routine eventually, but I know that the experiences will lead me towards the next pit stop along the way in fulfilling my purpose in not only my life, but in others as well. There’s no such thing as coincidence, remember? And “big” (as in “dream big”) is a subjective word. I have faith, good health, a loving husband, roof over my head, amazing family, et cetera, et cetera. If life could get any better than this, the rest are just accessories.

P.S. I absolutely LOVE my new job. And I am happy to report that photography is part of it though not the main task. I’m still working on excelling at my personal photo work and will of course keep sharing all the goodies that I come across. Just wanted to give an explanation for any hiatuses that I’ve had or will have. And as a side note to this side note, I did a shoot not too long ago for a story for the Wall Street Journal that will be published in June. If any of you get the paper, I’d love it if you could let me know if you see my cutline (I’m not subscribed). kthanksbye!

Apr 27 0 comments
inspiration, rant

Life is too short to not be doing the things you love

I probably shouldn’t admit this but I love competition shows like American Idol and America’s Best Dance Crew where people get a shot at fulfilling their dreams. I sometimes always get emotional when the winning contestant(s) finally get their glory because I get really inspired. And I know that they deserve it. I know it’s something that everyone deserves. I know it’s something that I deserve.

For some reason I get really frustrated when I see people who are so talented just settle for less. Like they’re sitting on a winning ticket but are too chicken to cash it in (enter Good Will Hunting reference). And when people criticize others’ success…it irks me to my very core. I mean, I thought it was a given that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all…but some people just don’t know how to filter their words. I obviously have some sort of underlying beef with whatever it is that I’m starting to ramble about so I’m just gonna leave it at that as my little venting sesh for the evening.

I kind of hate the idea that we live to work and work to live (but such is life), especially when the work part isn’t something that you believe in so I’ve been revisiting my list of to-dos…the BIG list, not the grocery and errands kind, and came across this three-step plan to reaching my goals:

STEP ONE: SET YOUR GOALS

  • You can’t succeed until you’ve decided where you want to develop your success.

STEP TWO: PLAN AHEAD

  • It’s rare that you’ll reach those goals unless you devise some sort of plan on how to get there.

STEP THREE: NEVER GIVE UP

  • Use every failure and every naysayer as motivation because in the end when you finally reach your goals, success will be that much sweeter.

Sometimes when naysayers get to me, I take a time-out, pen many words on numerous sheets of paper and send it off through the postal service. I did that again recently and what I received in return was a sentence that made me feel whole again after wondering why I was feeling like some people weren’t really “getting” me: “I love you, you’re a wonderfully amazing and talented person who has the right to grow impatient when it seems like the waiting room reeks of old people and there aren’t any good magazines to read.” That’s really deep. And I’m not being sarcastic. First of all, Ashley, you’re a damn good writer. And secondly, thank you for knowing exactly what to say.

So to you, my dear Internet, I hope that you are happy. And if you are not, remember that without disappointment, you can’t appreciate victory. And that life is too short to not be doing the things you love.

Jan 27 8 comments
inspiration, photography, photos, rant, writing

Creative’s Block

As it turns out, I am my own worst enemy.

A new acquaintance of mine wrote that “admitting your insecurities isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength.” And though it makes much sense, it’s sometimes hard to be strong when you know you’re weak.

I’ve been struggling greatly with self-doubt lately, mostly in the business areas of my life. I think I really felt it at the writer’s conference when I was among all of these seriously accomplished writers which I probably should’ve seen as inspiration but instead let it make me feel insecure. I have a degree in journalism but a passion for photography. Though the two definitely go hand-in-hand, I’m terribly worried about becoming a Jane of two trades and master of neither.

I picked up a book many moons ago called The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles. It was in the Self-Help section which I never thought I’d find myself perusing. Never really gave it a chance but definitely felt the need to pick it up recently. It’s nicely set up in that it’s almost like a devotional…most of the suggestions/realizations fit on a page so it doesn’t have to be read chapters at a time for you to get anything out of it. As the one line review that is quoted on the cover suggests, it really is “a vital gem…a kick in the ass.”–Esquire.

Despite my self-deprication and nervousness which left my palms sweaty all day, my class (the one that I co-taught) at the conference went really well. They even applauded us at the end (out of pity, perhaps) but I’m sure the students could tell that I was terribly nervous off the bat. I’ve always thought that I wanted to teach, and still think that I do, but maybe next time to a group of students who are younger than me…I think the bulk of my nervousness was from standing in front of a group that was older which made me feel less authoritative. Also, I’m short. And sometimes that translates into making me feel small in other ways too.

There were a few notes that I jotted down from the keynote speaker, radio essayist, Janis Jaquith, not as writing tips but more of things to help you stay positive and realize that it’s ok if the majority don’t get what is that you’re trying to put out there. She spoke about “brain zaps,” which unofficially refers to what happens when you “get” what someone is trying to say…from the mind of the author to your mind, you get it. It zaps. And you re-read it, underline it, copy it into your Moleskine so that you can refer to it again later. Often times I have been afraid to write because really, who cares what I think. But Janice reassured me by simply saying:

“We write to connect to another mind,” and how as a writer (or really, any kind of artist) you amazingly “have a shot at life after death because your audience may not have been born yet…sometimes you’re just waiting for the right reader to come around at the right moment.”

Ironically I’ve recently been seeing a surge in posts/links/articles about self-doubt, tips to get you going (in photography) and I’m hoping these will help me get over this rut. In all honesty, I miss Brooklyn and the experiences it presented, but I think that had a lot to do with my amazing group of friends. It’s hard living miles away from your loved ones who inspire and push you and I have to admit I haven’t found anyone here that has lived up to the great friends that I have in NYC (my husband doesn’t count–he totally inspires me but I need my girlfriends here to talk about stickers and jelly beans too). As I wrap up this post though, I have received an email out of the blue from one of my bestest friends from the city asking if she could come visit me. I think she knew that I needed her even though we hadn’t really corresponded for a few weeks. I love it when you put something out there and just say it to yourself or say out loud to the world…and then all of the sudden you get a response. That happens to me a lot. And Jeff keeps telling me to say that I wish we had a million dollars. If only it really worked like that…

Roanoke Regional Writer’s Conference III — JANUARY 2010

Nov 05 0 comments
rant, writing

Nothin’ But Love For The Phillies

So I’ve stayed up to watch the World Series since Game 3 and it was the first time that I ever really got into a sport (as an adult). I mean there were high school football games (which ended for me 10 years ago OMG) and I used to be into basketball as a young blossoming tomboy, but something about the Phillies against the Yankees kind of hit home with me. Probably because I feel as though I am of both. And have been torn between both…that is, if you replaced Phillies with whoever is the Virginia pro baseball team. See, this is how much I know about the sport. I consider the Phillies as my home team, and well, you don’t need me to explain the significance of the Yankees, but it was all just very funny to find myself yelling at the TV, clapping and cheering when the Phillies scored or struck someone out, and making comments out loud like I knew what I was talking about. Luckily the only person who was around to witness these motions was my dear husband who quite frankly, doesn’t have an opinion on any of it. It took a few tries to convince him to even let me turn the game on (hence the reason I didn’t join in until Game 3) but I think he totally started to enjoy it. But then again he’s been sick and can’t talk much without having a coughing fit so maybe that’s why he gave up on trying to convince me otherwise. Imagine that. A wife trying to convince her husband to watch sports. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Of course not. Because WE are not a cliché!

Ah, spectator games. I never thought you’d get me. But this time you win. Even though my team didn’t.

Damn Yankees.